Being Real (with yourself and with others)

So im one of those people that feels like they have a lot to say, and a lot to do, but i never end up getting around to saying or doing anything. In fact, ive fallen victim to one of my previous blog posts about social media silencing our own voice. We get so involved in reading articles about stuff were interested in, that we never end up actually DOING anything. Well thats where ive been for the past year or so, and thats someething I intend on changing. This post is about being real, not only with others but being real with yourself. This has been on my mind lately, especially after having a conversation with a friend for over an hour about it just the other day. For some reason, we get in this mode (myself included) where we feel we SHOULD be doing something we arent, or we want to be doing something we arent, so we put up this front like we have everything under control. Ive done this so many times. In fact I have a couple embarassing confessions to make.

1. When I was in the band, we developed this idea that if people THOUGHT we were popular, it would become so. At one stage in the music industry, I think this idea might have been plausable. If you get out of a car with sunglasses on, wearing awesome clothes and keeping conversations short (which most stars do) I guess we felt that people would see us and think "wow they look like a big deal, why havent I known about them??" and that that would somehow miraculously lead into them wanting to spread our name like the plague. In reality, did we look like rockstars? No, we looked like douchebags.

2nd embarassing confession: Up until recently, and by recently I mean 6 months or so ago, I Did my best to keep people from knowing that I had a day job. Why? because i guess in my mind, I felt like, "Caleb you were in a touring band for 4 years. People from highschool think you made something of yourself, you cant have a job. Thats taking steps backwards not forwards." GET THIS! I even said to myself "your 2000 twitter followers wont want to follow you anymore if you arent caleb from the band and are now caleb from AT&T" Im serious! Isnt that ridiculous!?

And I did, I never took photos to post online from work, or wearing my work uniform. I never said, "whew just got off, ready to start the weekend." Nada, none of that. I WANTED people to think I was off doing COOl exlusive things that only musicians/wannabe actors/photographers do. So did it work? Well i ended the band with 2500 followers. I now have 2070 and falling. So have people stopped following me because Im too cool or what? NO. People stopped following because i stopped posting. What is there to post about when your off doing imaginary Wannabe things? If i had really been on some multimillion dollar set, then there would be plenty of things to talk about. If i had just shot a spread for advil for their next campaign, there would have plenty to share. But to be dreadfully brutally honest, ive been working a crappy 9-5 (or rather 830-630, or 830 its retail after all) For going on two years now. Im still pursuing things, but ive been so fake in the process. I cant even tell you how much cleaner i feel just writing this. I definitely feel i have some sort of complex to be loved or something, and that maybe thats what this stems from. But We shouldnt want people to love us for the THINGS we do. We should want to be loved for who we are. Im a dreamer. I want to be an actor. I want to take amazing timeless photographs. I want to make an impact. I want my life to MEAN something. I dont want to feel fake anymore. I dont want to act like im bigger than I am. I just want to be me, and you should just want to be you.

Thanks for reading.

PS. Im going to start blogging alot more, And im going to be me. For better or worse. I have a lot of flaws, and I dont intend on hiding any of them. Cant say i didnt warn you.

Also, I may start doing an occasional video blog on my youtube channel. Youtube.com/calebspillyards Check it out. I post anything from short films to an ongoing comedy webseries My "stepbrother" and I do.

Connect-Follow me! @calebspillyards

Simpson/Moon Wedding, and how im awesome at immediately blogging things

So, its been 2 months since i shot this, and im just getting around to blogging about it. Prompt i know. Being on time isnt one of my strengths. Anyways, I love these two! The way that I ended up being their wedding photography is a pretty cool coincidence, or cowinkydink, as my dad would say. I did some film promo photos for a friend of mine who happened to also be a friend of Barrett and Jamie. They go to church together, and whenever he found out that they needed a wedding photographer, he put my name in (Thanks cory!). Well it turns out, that i actually sort of already knew them, because we all climb, and work out at the little rock climbing center. We put it together, the week after we booked because i was climbing one night and jamie came up and was like "hey, whats your name..?" i immediately knew it was them because i remembered seeing her when i got there, and thinking she looked just like the profile photo on twitter (creepy i know). Anyway, When we all put it together i think we were all immediately at ease. Their is always the initial awkwardness first meeting someone who is putting all their eggs in your basket for shooting their big day, and i cant think of a better way to break the ice than realizing you are shooting fellow climber(s).

Anyways! After all that, we talked about the usual; what photos they wanted, how the ceremony was going to go, settings and locations, you know, the goods, and everything was set. The wedding itself was beautiful, and super fun to shoot. It was held at the Arkansas Arts Center, and we had originally planned to shoot the first look shots in the courtyard there by the building, but before meeting with them day of, i scouted it out and realized it would be nearly impossible to get a shot where a hobo wasnt photobombing my shots. Really strange that they all hang out there, but it was no dice. So after a mild panic attack of "where in the world can we shoot these shots" Dana pointed out a cool location on the way back to the peabody that was pretty much a wooden tunnel thing covered in cool vines and leaves. I was a little hesitant because it was such a public place (next to the rivermarket) but decided that we would make it work. Jamie jumped at my suggestion and im so thankful for her trust in me. We got down there, and after some stressful 'shoo'ing' haha of people in the tunnel, we finally got everything organized and together. We did their first look and it was awesome. We followed that up with some shots near the river of them having some personal time before the party got there, and then knocked out the wedding party shots. Oh and i forgot to mention, i totally left my bag and all my stuff in the first location. Dana realized this and was able to run back and grab it before anyone snatched it. I would have been seriously screwed.

With those shots in the bag, i was able to rest easy for the rest of the day and just capture the moments as they happened. The ceremony was awesome, and the reception was full of laughs and cool dance moves.

Overall I had a blast shooting these two, and I cant wait to see what's next for them!

Congrats Barrett and Jamie!!

Viva "Le Beak!"

Happy May!  May is the month that your's truly was born so im always like a little kid when may rolls around.  Goofy i know, but hey its the little things internet, the little things.  Anyhoo, its been a bit since my last post and im looking to change that, ive just been super swamped.  I shot an amazing wedding on the 23rd and im still editing from that so thats been keeping me extremely busy.  I should be blogging that in the next week or so, so be on the look at!  I have however been making time to climb of course, and last week we (dana jpru and I )went to a bouldering area in northwest Arkansas called fountain red, and went to a sport climbing area called the invasion.  The actual sport climbing area was pretty burly and intimidating, It was a very steep wall with some roofs, and i was very very reluctant to try anything.  I ended up hopping on a 5.12d which was pretty fun (and difficult) but scary.  Id say that the scariest part though, was knocking a small wasp nest off of the first anchor.  I bailed off of the route more than once when that dude came back around haha!  Scary!

In other news ive decided once again that i have no idea what im doing with my life, which is super awesome, considering im turning 24 and all and im sure all the people i grew up with probably have houses and careers by now.  Thats the one problem with being ambitious is that it either works out big, or not at all, and you end up feeling like you are wasting away.  Ive been trying to keep it out of my mind because it just gets me really down, but sometimes i cant help it.  The acting thing has been pulling at me hard again, but it just isnt possible right now, so ill just bide my time.  Climbing is the one thing that takes my mind off of literally EVERYTHING so i love the escape i get every now and then, but i wish it could be more.  Anyways check out some photos we got from the other day.  This is a problem in fountain red called "Le Beak"  Its a V4 and its super fun.  We all 3 got on it and i snapped some shots.  I havent done much bouldering outside and its COMPLETELY different than bouldering inside.  Quite humbling in fact because i totally suck outside.  The area was beautiful though and im mad at myself for not carrying my camera all day because i definitely missed some amazing stuff.  Heres also a short video i made of my buddy Jpru on le beak.  He was being a total weenie on the top out so i chose the music accordingly.  Enjoy!

Is social media helping or hurting?

So last week i said my next blog post was going to be about twitter and how its affecting success/failure, from a photography perspective.  Is it helping or hurting business?  I think at first people's response is a resounding "HELPING!" but i got to thinking the other day, WHO is it helping?  I think some professionals out there, be it photographers or otherwise, are rising to their true potential because of twitter, and other social media.  I mean careers have literally been made here recently because of the ability to spread your vision with the click of a few keys and a tweet.  But one thing that i think deserves to be looked at and pondered, and something ive personally been struggling with, is the level that one can be absorbed into these tools.  While ive already said that business is booming out there for a few people, i honestly think if people arent careful these things can actually hinder your progress.  How? well im glad you asked.

Think about it, i personally spend a fair bit of time each day reading about other photographers experiences, or learning a new technique, or watching a new tutorial on how to do something ive been curious about.  I mean the number of twitter accounts/blogs on my daily "check list" is growing by the day. While that all sounds like, "yay caleb's really learning his craft!" its actually more like, "calebs doing a heck of a lot more reading, and a heck of a lot less shooting," and i dont think im alone. 

Twitter and facebook and other social networking mediums are only valuable to your business if YOU are contributing, and not just watching.  The whole draw is that everyone at almost any time, in any place, can create a video, an interview, a viewpoint, etc.  Thats incredibly powerful, if you are on the right end.  On the other side, if you are just watching and learning, no matter how great and useful the information you are learning might be, it isnt useful at all until you start using it!  Im writing this because i had the realization that lately ive been starting to open my computer/phone a lot more and use my camera a lot less, and thats certainly not what these amazing photographers out there that we are following are doing.  In fact, most of the stuff i read about from chase jarvis or jeremy cowart or zack arias is about how something went awry on a shoot and how they solved it, or how to do this to help your shooting go more smoothly, or the newest, easiest way theyve acheived getting a certain kind of shot.  Shooting shooting shooting is always the recurring theme.  While twitter, youtube, facebook etc.. are all valuable tools the i personally gain a lot of perspective from, we cant let ourselves become complacent in our own lives and businesses. 

I think the take-away from all of this is that none of these guys are sitting around waiting on that certain tweet or blog thats going to unveil the secret to making themselves a success.  They are out there in it, and im going to "follow" their lead.

Caleb

Not by our successes, by our failures.

So, something happened the other day that hasnt happened to me many times in my life (thankfully).  I felt like a failure.  In part because i was, but thats beside the point.  Most of the things ive ever done in life, even if i havent been the best at them, i havent been the worst, and im always determined enough to make SURE i dont fail.  Its just who I am.  Failure has never been acceptable to me, so while i might temporarily not be succeeding, i rarely feel like a failure.  Until a few days ago. 

So up until now, ive been cast in a small indie shooting this summer.  Its not a paying gig, its probably not going to be the biggest deal in the world, (although i hope it does well) but none-the-less its been keeping me on my toes with rehearsals and memorization and what not, i.e. practicing, and its always exciting being a part of a new project.  Anyhoo, the character that i was cast for, is the first real lead role ive been offered.  the character is, or i feel anyway, a deeper character than meets the eye.  I dont want to give away details about the story because thats not my place, but lets just say my interpretation was a semi serious character who has experienced a lot of hardship, and who tries to use his suave as a way of protecting himself against letting people in.  Anyway, to make a long story short, the director/writer thought he should be less, deep and more just careless and excited, "more aladdin!" he kept saying.  Well, in my opinion (not that it matters, hes the writer) the human condition is a lot deeper than that.  If you had experienced the kind of hardship this character had experienced, you would definitely have some issues. 

By now, youre probably wondering where failure comes in.  Well,  after rehearsing since january, hours of building a character and a history, i was told the "investors" wanted to go with an actor that stood in for me on one of the days that i missed rehearsal.  Nevermind the fact that the "investors" never saw me act, yet said they liked this guy's interpretation of the character better than my own.  I repeat, they never saw me act.  I mean these guys are good, if they can tell they dont like someones rendition of a character without even seeing it.  Thats incredible.  Also it should be mentioned that my committment to the project was in question early on because my schedule continued to conflict with rehearsal times.  I feel like from that point onward it was never the same.  In the beginning, the director/writer was super stoked on my interpretation and rarely said a word to me in rehearsal regarding changes he wanted me to make, but all of the sudden when they had to come down on me for missing rehearsals "the character needed to change."   

Now there are two different emotions at play here.  One has me feeling like, man dont worry about it, they were just still pissed at you missing rehearsals were afraid you werent gonna make shoot dates etc..  The other part of me is like, "wow, maybe im not good enough.  Maybe i really just didnt "get" the character changes they wanted me to make.  If i cant stay on an indie shooting in freaking Arkansas, how do i ever expect to be legitamate"  The wind has/had (its been a few days now) successfully been taken out of my sails.  I HATE that feeling.  Ive felt it only one other time in my life really, and that was when i didnt make the basketball team in 8th grade.  Yes 8th grade.  Im not used to that!  Im not used to not being able to do, or being told i cant do something i put my mind to.  That isnt me, which makes this whole situation 10x harder.  In a way its a relief, because there was definitely still some weirdness in the air on their side, but i feel so cheated.  Ive been preparing for SO long.  It isnt fair.  But life isnt fair, i know that.  Even though when they cut me, they told me that they disagreed with the investors decision, and that THEY thought i was
really talented, is that really the truth?  Do they really think im good or do they just not have the sand to tell me that i couldnt cut it.  A lot of people are afraid theyre gonna hurt your feelings and wont say the things that need to be said.  If they thought i was as good as they said i was, wouldnt they fight for me?  The last few days has had me questioning what im trying to accomplish, my own ability, If im really good enough, and if i have what it takes.

Well after a lot of time thinking about everything, the answer is yes.  To all.  And while i dont know that for a fact, Its the attitude in place thats important.  I am driven.  I am determined.  If im not good enough i will be.  If i dont have what it takes now, I will.  Whats one persons opinion?  Especially in acting! Ive heard tons of successeful actors say, its not the jobs that you book that decide if youre gonna be an actor, its the jobs you dont book, and if youre willing to keep at it.  I think this can be applied to every aspect of life, whether it be photography, acting, working for a big corporation, or even in your personal life.  We arent defined by our successes, but our failures.  That means were defined by what we do when we fail.  Are we the type of person that persists until we get where we want to be?  Or do we curl up and die at the first bump in the road?  THAT, my friends defines character.  Am i still bummed?  absolutely.  Am i learning from this experience?  you better believe it.  Not only about myself, and acting, but how to proceed professionally in a business sense when im working on a project in the future, and what guidelines should be established on the front end (i mean really, who cuts someone a few weeks before shooting after telling them they are nailing it for 4 months?). 

I know im going to fail, especially in this industry.  They say you get told no a hundred times for every yes you get in the entertainment industry, and i know that well enough from my music career.  But its how we deal with that failure thats important. THAT Defines us.  So fail, and fail again.  That just means youre that much closer to succeeding.

-C

Can't we all just get along?

So, im writing this today because im flustered.  As a creative in the photographic community and experiencer of life in general (experiencer? really?), you deal with two types of people, type A- the kind of people who are open to sharing their wealth of knowledge for the greater good of the community, and type B- those who are closed books, who arent willing to help, who think that everything has to be a competition, who think that others are out there to steal their thunder or their livelihood, or in other words, people who are killing progress in the creative world.  Well im here to tell ya, if you are one of those people, or are experienceing one of those people in your life, whether it be in photography or real estate or whatever, you arent going to have to worry long.  These people are a dying breed.  The fact of the matter is, especially in my neck of the woods, (the artistic community in this case lol) the vast majority of people are those who are open to sharing their techniques and ideas, their knowledge and experience. 

In fact, the most successful photographers i know of do this on a daily basis.  People are drawn to these people like moths to the flame.  Why?  Because an attitude of sharing and giving is infectious.  Take a look at a few of these when you get a chance, Aaron Nace, Chase Jarvis, Jasmine Star, Jeremy Cowart, Trey Ratcliff, and you'll see two trends.  One, the idea of sharing openly in a HUGE capacity, and two AMAZING work.  And you know what the funny thing is?  Each of these photographers took their work to 10x the level it was at, the minute they opened up and started giving guidance to those out there who need it.  And lets face it, the majority lies in those who NEED help, not those who give it.  I mean think about it, this business is all about word of mouth.  And what spreads your name faster than being open about who you are and what youre doing, even to your so called competition"  People need to understand a few things, (and again im talking from a photography perspective) that your "competition" is also writing your paycheck.  How, might you ask?  Well look at this way, at the end of the day, there are always going to be people in your own backyard who are as good, or better, or will be better than you.  At any given time.  Its a fact of life.  Dont believe me? go out on flickr, and if you dont find someone else who inspires you to be better within a few clicks than you have your head in the sand.  So, based on the fact that most likely there is someone in town who is on the up or is better than you, why would we see these people as competition rather than community?  The fact is, if im photographer A, and photographer B is doing work equally as good as i am, and im charging 3000 dollars for a wedding, and hes charging 1000 for the same quality of work, who's losing business?  But if this up and coming photographer is a part of my COMMUNITY, and we are both students of photography knowing that hes going to be better at some things than i am, and im going to be better at some things than he is, then instead of Starving ourselves trying to drive our prices to bare bones minimum to get more business than the other person, doesnt it make more sense to help each other out to the point that we can both be the leaders in our field in a given area?  I know thats confusing but think about it.  We sit here and try to "beat out" our competition no matter what it takes, we'll drop our prices because were intimidated, we'll change our own artistic vision to try and compete, we'll take the fun out of everything in the name of beating someone else when the fact of the matter is there is PLENTY of business to go around. "A Rising tide raises all ships"  That means that when business is booming (the tide is rising), all of our ships (businesses) get raised together.

Look, business at the end of the day is all about word of mouth, and nothing spreads like wildfire faster than negativity.  Run your mouth, be a douchebag, talk crap, and youre gonna be alone before its all over with.  Open up, let people in, be fulfilled.  You'll be much happier.  Lets help each other be better.  If you ARE one of those people (and ive been one) and youre reading this, Before you get all mad and says this is a bunch of crap, and how youre justified in your way of thinking, read it again with an open mind.  and then read it again. 

No matter what profession youre in or what youre doing, help the person who's up and coming, why? 

Because WHEN not if the are better than you are, they'll return the favor

Money, the dictator.

So im fed up.  Im fed up with the fact that money, or the lack thereof will make or break someones WILL to do what they want to do.  Granted, money is a necessary evil that we all have to deal with at some point or another.  There is one thing however that money tends to do that it shouldnt, and thats inhibiting people from taking risks, and going for it.  Im writing this because this morning that happened to me, and im making a pact with myself and anyone reading this that i wont let that happen again (fingers crossed).  I got an email the other day, that a certain casting director who casts a lot of projects in my market (louisiana) is holding a workshop.  This could be HUGE for me.  When you're an "up and coming" these workshops are so valuable in networking and building relationships that can give you such an edge in the acting world.  How much different is it to walk into an audition and be able to be like "hey bob!! great to see you again! how are your kids??" than to be like "hi, my name is caleb, how are you?"  It means all the difference in the world to have a relationship in place when doing ANYTHING where a human being is the gatekeeper to your goal, and that brings up a good question in itself.  How many times are people NOT the gate keepers?  Not very often, so relationships are HUGE!!  Anyways, im sitting this casting workshop out because ill be honest, im broke at the moment.  I just put 500 dollars worth of tires on my car, bills are due, and it is literally just not in my means right now to drive to dallas for a workshop.  Welcome to being an artist.  Ive known this life for going on 4 years now between music, photography and acting, and its not like our dreams are just gonna open the door and say "hey stupid! the easy way is over here! what have you been doing over there on the hard road for the past few years!?"  I wish

so whats the answer then?  I have a credit card, so could i put the few hundred dollars it would be to make the journey and workshop? yes.  Should I?  well that is the million dollar question.  One has to ask himself a few questions.  Will i get another opportunity like this?  Will there be another workshop?  What if this workshop is the one i would have really connected at?  A million questions stream their way through my head in a situation like this.  As ive already said, the answer is, im not going.  This time.  And this is the last time im letting money control me like this.  Now are there exception to that? of course, otherwise id be putting thousands of dollars on a credit card, and thats never a good thing.  But think about it, its like 300 bucks.  Would it put me in a hard place for a few weeks? yes.  Does 300 dollars really matter in the grand scheme of my life? or even the next 2 months.  NO! its SO temporary!  And thats the take-away i think in this whole deal i think.  Everything in life, especially something as insignificant as a few hundred bucks doesnt matter in the grand scheme, whereas when the risk we are taking (obviously depending on that risk) could be the risk of a lifetime that we are turning a blind eye to.  Thats heavy.  How many times, have i decided to not take a risk, where that risk would have made a huge difference in my life?  We'll never know, but i bet its been more than once, and thats NOT something im willing to RISK.  At the end of the day when we all look back on our lives, im almost certain that we will regret the risks we didnt take, not the ones we did.

Food for thought, and id love to hear someone else's opinion! hit me if you'd like!